Week 8: Head in the Clouds

This week my head is stuck in the clouds. As I floated back from Mexico, I found myself trying to acclimate back to regular life and having a hard time doing so. When I look at my camera roll all I see are photos of clouds. It was really windy so they were moving along much faster than usual. I couldn’t look away. 

It transported me back to the 90s, to a solo trip I took to New York to visit my aunt. As my uncle drove us home from the airport, I sat quietly watching the clouds morph outside the window. This memory is ironed into my brain because of my aunt’s awareness. She noticed and said, gently, “You’re a bit of a daydreamer, aren’t you?” I smiled, maybe laughed softly, but kept my gaze fixed on the sky.

It’s kind of wild to think that I was a pre-teen going on a solo trip to New York. It got me thinking about the time that I went on a trip alone to Europe after I graduated college. It was 2-3 weeks and I had a rail pass with no itinerary. I just went where the wind took me. My Aunt Anne took a trip around the world after she graduated college in the 70’s and my great Aunt Helen did the same in the 50’s. Helen fell in love with India and ended up staying there the rest of her life. So I guess you could say traveling alone is in my bloodline and maybe it says something about the women I come from. 

So on the second day of the retreat, I felt this quiet urge to sneak off into a cab and wander around Tulum. I didn’t expect to find much, but it wasn’t really about finding things as it was about declaring this way of being. One of the vintage shops I went to was meticulously curated. The owner mentioned a lot of the pieces were found in various parts of Italy. She was tall, lean, and quietly beautiful. She was trying on a jacket and I heard her say “I’m going to price this one really high because honestly I don’t want to sell it.” I laughed. She turned toward me, curious, and I said, “I deeply understand.” Our interaction was brief but I felt a comfort knowing we understood each other.

Collectors are wanderers and wanderers are collectors. 

I want to honor my desire to wander and take space to reflect. To stare into the clouds and find meaning. To schedule trips with the sole purpose to wander. To let my discernment guide me instead of urgency. I’ve talked about this for a long time. I’m finally ready to hold myself to it.