The Thrift Trance & Trusting Yourself
If you’ve gone too far down a rabbit hole, a thrift trance feels a lot like that. When I go into a thrift trance I get so wrapped up into it that I sometimes lose my discernment over what is actually good. I have a very specific guideline for these moments. A bit of a filtering system, if you will, that does most of the work for me when I’m in a trance, but sometimes I need someone on the outside to center me. And sometimes for me I have to phone a friend.
Recently I was in my hyper-focus mode flipping through clothing like a factory worker and I was yanked out of my bubble by a sweet older man who was wondering if he could borrow my eye. I was in a trance, I thought to myself, and I wanted to go back. He was very tall and maybe in his late 60’s. He said, “You know it is very tough these days with all the gender neutral clothing,” and he presents a large black felted hat, places it on his head and leans in to say “But can you tell me…is this hat too feminine?” I was a deer in headlights. How dare someone yank me out of the otherworld I was in. The clothes were calling me, but instead I leaned in.
Well, how do you feel in it?
What about it makes it feel feminine?
Why NOT wear a hat that pushes boundaries?
Every time you wear it, are you going to be thinking in your head ‘Is this hat too feminine?”
It does’t matter what I think of the hat. What do YOU think of that hat?
There was a rich dialogue in my head, as I stood there quietly and stoically, pondering the question. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t want to decide for him. Then a girl behind me gave him a very quick and confident “too feminine.” And he profusely thanks her, claiming she “saved him”. It made me laugh. Saved him from what? I thought. This is not how I help people who shop with me. I had all the tools to help him figure this out, but I was paralyzed by being pulled out of my own thrift trance.
On the ride home I was thinking about what the hat looked like. It was oversized, with very soft edges; the top of the hat was rounded, with a tassel that looked like a lasso around the base. I suppose it did carry more traditionally feminine qualities. It wasn’t a structured cowboy hat, which is probably what the man is used to wearing. I feel like deep down he knew the answer; he just needed someone else to pull it out of him.
I do think though that it is good to take risks. There really isn’t a right or wrong answer here. It’s all a matter of taste and preference. It reminds me of a story about guiding a friend out of her comfort zone with something she didn’t think she’d ever wear. More on that another time.
Deep Thoughts with Clothing Tags…
Until next time,
Quietly observing the characters at the thrift store…